ADVICE BETWEEN BEST FRIENDS

ON THE FRIENDSHIP CAFÉ

Giving Advice to a Best Friend or Anyone Else

Means That You Either Lose or Break Even

One day German poet and dramatist Otto Erich Hartleben visited a doctor about his health problems.

The doctor advised Hartleben to quit smoking cigarettes and to stop drinking alcohol. The doctor added, “This visit will cost you three marks.” 

“I’m not paying you,” retorted Hartleben, “because I’m not taking your advice.”

Undoubtedly, you have found this out through experience: Most people won’t follow advice — regardless of how good it is — as was the case with poet Otto Erich Hartleben.

Your advice to a best friend may very well be helpful, but if it means that you best friend must put in some work and effort, he or she will likely discard it. Giving advice may not only be a waste of your time and energy — it can be dangerous to your friendship as well.

It is particularly dangerous to offer advice when you haven't been asked for it. Some people will refuse to take advice regardless of how good it is and how noble your intentions are.

Your relationship with your friends can get strained to the limit if you persist. People may not realize that you are trying to help them. On the contrary, they may think that you are highly judgmental and are trying to make them wrong. Your advice is likely to be ignored because most friends don’t want to admit they are wrong.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on [to your best friends]. It is never of any use to oneself.
— Oscar Wilde

Trying to solve other people’s problems with your unsolicited advice is as futile as trying to change people. It’s best not to get immersed in other people’s problems, including those of your spouse, friends, and co-workers. Trying to solve their problems is tantamount to saying they aren’t capable of doing it on their own. Benjamin Franklin may have given us the best advice possible about giving unsolicited advice: “Wise men don’t need advice. Fools don’t take it.”

It may be dangerous to give advice even if it is solicited. The problem is the advice we give friends may be the opposite of what they expect or desire. “When a man comes to me for advice,” quipped Josh Billings, “I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.”

Giving advice [to best friends] isn't as risky as people say. Few ever take it anyway.
— William Feather

Giving advice that friends expect may be a good strategy at times, but it can be dangerous in certain situations. Taking into account that many people don’t have a complete and sensible appreciation of their own predicaments, it follows that they may in fact expect advice that will end up hurting their cause.

Even giving good advice can get you in trouble — particularly when it involves the truth. Oscar Wilde wrote, “It is always silly to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.” There is a lot to be said about telling the truth — but it is often on the first rung of the living-dangerously ladder.

For instance, whenever a friend asks you how she can improve the meal that she just cooked for you, it is wise not to mention the twenty things you would have done differently. Otherwise, you could end up without an opportunity to eat any more of the soufflé because you will be wearing it over the expensive shirt you wore for the first time.

Advice is seldom welcome. Those who need it most, like it least.
— Samuel Johnson

All things considered, giving advice to anyone means that you either lose or break even. You seldom win. Whenever people accept your advice, and it turns out to be helpful, people likely won’t acknowledge you for it. They may not even remember that you gave it to them. Whenever they accept your advice, and it turns out to be harmful, people won’t forget who gave it to them. They will probably even resent you for having given them bad advice.

Summing up, it’s best to avoid getting involved in people’s personal affairs,especially if you haven’t been asked. As a well-balanced individual you shouldn’t need to inflate your ego by giving unsolicited advice. If you are going to give any, however, advise the person that it’s best to avoid freely accepting advice from anyone else — and that includes you.

Whenever you feel compelled to respond to a request for advice, say it simply. Make it short. Don’t rant and rave. Even so, on extremely sensitive matters, be sure to duck when flying objects start coming your way.

Friendship Quotes about

Advice Between Best Friends

The art of giving advice to best friends is to make them believe that they though of it themselves.
— Unknown wise person

Never trust the advice of friends with difficulties.
— Unknown wise person

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
— Josh Billings

Whatever your advice [to a best friend], make it brief.
— Horace

The best thing one friend can do for another is to refrain from giving advice.
— Unknown Wise Person

If I wanted to become a tramp, I would seek information and advice from the most successful tramp I could find. If I wanted to become a failure, I would seek advice from men who have never succeeded. If I wanted to succeed in all things, I would look around me for those who are succeeding, and do as they have done.
— Joseph Marshall Wade

Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for
very long.
— Robert Lynd

When friends stop being frank and useful to each other, the whole world loses some of its radiance.
— Anatole Broyard

Best friends don't want advice. They want corroboration.
— Unknown wise person

Advice is what we [friends] ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
— Erica Jong

 

COPYRIGHT © 2010 by Ernie J. Zelinski
 All Rights Reserved